Unless I can skate on it, put it in a Coke, or wear it in a ring, ice is not my friend.

A little background. Recently several inches of ice fell in St. Louis followed by several inches of snow followed by single digit temps.

Of course it’s all melting now when I want to post this story. Not so a couple days ago when I decided to take the dog for a walk in the neighborhood.

The sun is shining. The sky is blue. We avoid the icy places by hopping between plowed pavement and stretches of snow where our feet can still get some traction.

We’ve walked about a quarter mile from the house. This weather’s not stopping us. We’re going the distance.

Then my dog spots another dog in an electronically fenced yard across the street. Instinctively she is drawn to this irresistible creature.

A little more background. My dog is only 15 pounds or so of cairn terrier. But as Brian Kilcommons and Sarah Wilson write in Paws to Consider: Choosing the Right Dog for You and Your Family, you don’t own a terrier. You live with them.

The leash tightens, I step out, hit the icy sidewalk and boom. Down like dominoes. I land on my behind, my back, my shoulders, and finally crack my head against the hard, frozen ground.

“Ow!” I sit up. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” I say as if anyone else is on the tundra.

Visions of Natasha Richardson come to mind. I’m quite sure I’m going to die. My head aches as I stand. Must get home, must get home.

The dog has other ideas. She digs in her little heels, if dogs even have heels. She insists we go to see the canine w-a-y over there.

“Oh, all right. I guess if I’m going to die today and this is our last walk together, we might as well go where you want.” Yes, I talk to my dog.

“That’s it. We are so moving South. It is craziness to live in this weather. People are not made for this. What were those pioneers thinking?”

We visit the barking mess across the street, the only other witness to my potentially fatal accident. Then we start the walk home in the middle of the cleared road.

“Sure we have some ice in North Carolina, but no one goes out in it. And do you know why? Because they might fall and die, that’s why!”

The dog begins to pull toward a tree.

“You’re as spoiled as a child, you know that?”

An eternity later, we make it home. I Google head injuries and call my husband who is in warm Orlando on business, bless his heart. The most interesting things happen when he’s not here.

Once we’ve determined I will probably survive, I hang up and record this episode to share with you.

Then I take a Tylenol and the rest of the day off. Who knows? It could be my last.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14 NIV

No dogs, children or rappers were harmed in the making of this post. And yes, those are bike helmets.

To see Vanilla Ice’s video Ice Ice Baby on YouTube, click here.

This post was first published on February 14, 2011, here.