Unicorn Whisperer Has Klout Doubt

A few months ago I noticed tweets about people getting +Ks.

Klout believes you are influential about Unicorns

influential about unicorns

What was this mysterious letter sign? How could I get one? A little digging led me to Klout.

When you sign up, Klout gives you a score. “The Klout Score measures influence based on your ability to drive action,” reads their website.

I write content and publish it. You read it. Klout measures how well my content influences you to do something crazy like share it with others, thus advancing our plans to take over the world.

Klout uses complicated metrics, equations, algorithms, yadda, yadda, yadda. Math. Numbers. Whatever.

I signed up and received a nice, steady score. Even got a coveted +K signifying super influential-ness. All was well in the land of Klout until Klout began naming the topics about which I was influential.

“Klout believes you are influential about Blogging.”

Yes! I knew it!

“Klout believes you are influential about Bacon.”

I like bacon. I’ve written about the loss and recovery of my Seduced By Bacon book. Hadn’t thought of myself as influential about bacon, but we’ll go with it.

“Klout believes you are influential about Earthquakes.”

Wait. I’ve never written about earthquakes. Maybe they meant tornadoes or natural disasters. Can a bad pedicure be considered a natural disaster?

“Klout believes you are influential about Unicorns.”

What? Me, a unicorn whisperer?

My friend Jesse found this one amusing enough to award me a +K for Unicorns, effectively securing it as my most influential topic. Thank you, Jesse. Remind me to return the favor by awarding you a +K for Pirates or Coleslaw.

“Klout believes you are influential about Magic.”

Now I know something’s wrong here.

The topics of everyday epistle range far and wide. We discuss it all because we can. Variety is the spice of life.

bacon at the fresh market

influential about bacon

Instead of finding the common threads in my content, Klout interprets this breadth as 14 random topics I’m influential about. Adding insult to injury, they dubbed me a Klout Style Specialist.

“Your content is likely focused around a specific topic or industry with a focused, highly-engaged audience,” says Klout. Right.

Maybe they have a point. I need to focus. Pare down. Organize. Search engine optimize. But I still have my doubts.

There are ways to influence your own Klout score, apart from simply creating and publishing great content. Yet there aren’t ways to measure the quality of the content you produce or the quality of your readers and their comments.

No extra credit for correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation either. What kind of grading system is this anyway?

Besides all that, cyber terrorists, competitors, or prankster friends can influence your Klout score in undesirable ways. Not to mention the attacks by aliens.

“Klout believes you are influential about Space.” Go figure.

But in all this comparing and grading and competing, they quite miss the point. 2 Corinthians 10:12b The Message

Xanadu to you, Klout, with Magic by Olivia Newton John.

Think of a mercenary socialite, holding a calculator and trying to figure out who to invite to a party based on import. Then put whatever number she arrives at on every guest’s lapel. That’s Klout.” posted by Nicolas Thompson in The New Yorker

Am I the anomaly? Anyone else have Klout doubt?

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10 Comments

Filed under blogging, humor

10 Responses to Unicorn Whisperer Has Klout Doubt

  1. Yes, I’m as confused as ever! But now I know where to go for unicorn info. Sleeping better already…

    • Aimee @ everydayepistle.com

      Yes, you did. I could use your opinion on custom themes, too, if you care to share :)

  2. I kind of like the ESV version – but I am an old Lutheran.

    Now, from Doug Adams:

    “That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.”

    Bacon = Influence

    This is scientific fact. You can easily prove it by coming to my kitchen and frying some before I actually want to get up – and you WILL change my mind about sleeping in.

    But you touch on something profound. The self proclaimed expert. Consider the concept of an educational system, any system. The surpassing arrogance of holding yourself out to know enough to decide what other people should know, at what time in their lives they should get it, and whether or not an individual succeeded. Ur-arrogance -a prototype if you will.

    And having been “schooled”, so many are quite willing to believe anything so long as it be presented by a person or persons with some pedigree. Obviously, Emperor Klout has no clothes.

    Let us simply remove the “K”, a letter which at times I hold silent to good effect, and let them simply be called what they really are. Lout(s).

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lout?s=t

    • Aimee @ everydayepistle.com

      Oh, so you’re familiar with Klout? Lol. Roy, your responses are always interesting. And yes, I agree that Emperor Klout needs a change of clothes.

  3. I have Klout in Magic, too! I just love magic. It’s probably why I log into Klout… it makes me feel special.

    I guess this makes you special, too.

  4. Oh unicorny, bacony, magical blogger, thanks to you, I not only got a +K in Blogging this week (thank you!), I got a Rolling in +K Achievement. It seems to mean nothing, but they’d like me to tweet it—and I do love an accolade. I don’t get Klout, but I do know that the longer I’ve been on it, the more relevant my areas of influence have become. Maybe just stick with the nonsense so you can be a little more sensically nonsensical. Or something like that.

    • Aimee @ everydayepistle.com

      I’ll play the game–everybody’s doing it–and maybe, just maybe Klout will pull a reasonable topic or two for me from this mess of content I call my blog :)