Cassatt, Norton, Bacon

We’re missing three books.

are you in there?

Must have been lost in the move. Incorrectly packed with garden tools, baby toys, Christmas decorations. Shoved into obscurity in the basement or garage. Jumbled mess of relocation.

The coffee table book we bought in Chicago in 1999 was the one that tipped me off. Oversized tome documenting Mary Cassatt’s work. We’d seen her paintings at The Art Institute’s special exhibit that year.

We carried Cassatt home. Held her on the city bus and the elevator up 35 stories to our apartment of blinding white walls. Lugged her to St. Louis. Cordoned her off from the ordinary books. Separated from the pack. And now she is missing.

I hope Norton is with her. The Norton Anthology of Modern Poetry is fat and stout. Ten-pound bag of sugar. Required reading for a circle of writers, hopeful and green. Emblazoned with red and orange that year, I can still see it.

Long before I had a dog of my own, Norton tagged along, shadowing me. Begging to be played with and petted and fed. I’d scratch his ears, brush his coat, and watch dreams fall out in the shedding. He slept in a basket beside my bed, cushioned with transient catalogs and nonfiction. I hope Norton’s with Cassatt.

And I hope they’ve found Seduced by Bacon. The youngest of the three, this gift from a business colleague. We displayed Bacon in our kitchen. The kitchen we’d demolished. Filled with rubble, chaos, and 90-year-old dust. Rebuilt with fresh dry wall and slate, marble and ceramic subway tiles, wood and stainless steel, and blue paint named Amelia that wasn’t quite green or gray.

Bacon came to us as we hawked the kitchen and its house. No room for another book on such carefully staged, ready-to-show shelves. So Bacon stayed in the kitchen where it belonged. Guests chuckled at its name. A cookbook attesting the truth. “Seduced by Bacon,” they’d say. “Now that’s my problem.”

These three are lost. My heart sinks and drowns, buoyed by weak hope. They’ll turn up. We’ll find them again. Normalcy will come on a day unexpected. On a Monday or Thursday, a day of no consequence, I’ll open a box labeled dish towels and there they will be. Smiling, recovered, taking full breaths of air. They’ll ask me what happened. Where are we now? What took me so long to find them?

And I will answer I don’t know. Today I don’t know.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?” Luke 15:4 NIV

Norton found

The Lost Get Found, Britt Nicole.

Epilogue

Between the time of writing and publishing this post, I found The Norton Anthology of Modern Poetry in a box in the basement. Norton now resides behind the glass doors of a bookshelf in my office where I can keep an eye on him as I work. Cassatt and Bacon are still missing.

Have you ever lost a beloved book or other item? Did you find it again? What was that like, the losing or the finding?

Nestful of Blessings

robin’s egg blue

“Look, but don’t touch,” we said when our son found a nest of robin’s eggs in the low branches of the holly tree.

We watched their lives unfold.

The transcendent blue of the eggs. The way they huddled together after they hatched like a pulsing, pink heart.

Four fuzzy heads. Four pointed beaks trimmed in yellow. Eyes and mouths, open and hungry.

“I’ll give them a worm,” said our son.

“No. Don’t put anything in the nest.”

What more could we add to this? What could we bring to them?

Two weeks of growing feathers and flight and they were gone. That fast. Breathtaking gift of spring.

[portfolio_slideshow id=11659]

Teach us to realize the brevity of life,
so that we may grow in wisdom. Psalm 90:12 NLT

Love Song for a Savior, Jars of Clay.

What blessings are you most thankful for today?

Leah


garden statue of a girl

My Aunt Leah was rarely sick and always bounced back. Fell and broke her hip this past Christmas. Returned to work by February. And she was 74 years old.

Quiet, gentle, dignified, but tough as nails when it came to perseverance. Leah was steady. Without pause, always there, sure and steady.

A nurse by profession, she once took in my mother and I when we needed a place to go. Years later, when my mom was dying, Leah came to be with her youngest sibling for a week. She stood in my mom’s kitchen stirring soup made of carrots and celery she’d diced into tiny cubes.

Leah was the first person to French braid my hair. I’d come to visit that summer. I may have been 10, perhaps younger, so I don’t remember sitting still as she weaved the plaits tightly, an exercise she missed with her three sons. A picture remains to bear witness to those perfect braids.

Most of her life she lived in an old house with a rambling yard and a vegetable garden so big that I never did walk to the end of it. Her youngest son and I traversed that garden one evening as children. We navigated between squash and cucumbers and bushes of beans.

We climbed to the top of the compost pile. Then he said, “Snake!”

I never saw it. I bolted out of the garden all the way back to the house. Aunt Leah yelled from the yard for me to stop that ridiculous screaming.

Last summer, I returned with my husband and son to visit my Aunt Leah and Uncle Abe in their newer house. Their big garden was left behind, but the table was forever full. Salads and sauces and pasta to eat in the late afternoon.

She was the eldest of six children. The mother of three. Grandmother of six. Faithful wife of Abe for 53 years. She was unwavering in prayer for our family. The pages of her Bible were falling out from use.

It happened this spring, a cascade drawn out over weeks that started slowly and picked up speed as days rolled along. Leah had trouble breathing. Leah went to the emergency room. Leah developed pneumonia.

Leah was hospitalized. Leah was given oxygen. Leah was in critical care. Leah’s lungs sustained damage. Leah was on life support.

Then this past Tuesday, at 2:34 p.m., my Aunt Leah died. Surrounded by family here on earth, she was ushered into the arms of family there.

another view

It’s been almost 16 years since my mother died. Sixteen years since my family last experienced death. Years filled with so many challenges, but such a long stretch without funerals.

I wonder what they’re talking about now. Has Leah told my mom she saw me last summer? That I have a son with hazel eyes? Are they sitting with my Grandma and Grandpa V?

Are they sipping cups of tea while Grandma has coffee? Is Grandpa wearing his fur coat? Are they gushing and waiting with ease for the rest of us to meet them at the table? For dinner to begin in the late afternoon?

Over the next few days, I’ll be off the grid. Look for me in real life as I travel alone to gather with the family that’s left. To pay tribute and grieve our loss of Leah, steady and true.

We’ll miss you, Aunt Leah. Wait for us there. Unwavering, wait for us.

Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his faithful servants. Psalm 116:15 NIV

This past Monday, we celebrated National Poetry Month here on the blog. The response to Poetry Slam Party has been intelligent, thoughtful, and moving. Ariel Price graced us with poem by John Donne in the comments. Seems fitting to end this week with another of Donne’s most excellent works.

Death, be not proud (Holy Sonnet 10)

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou'art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy'or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.

Who is waiting for you in heaven? How do you grieve here on earth?

Pain Management

All I have to show for my 1997 root canal is a crown and a seasonal toothache.

power dental, as seen at Target

Every year I get this pain and I think my teeth are rotting inside my head. I rush to the dentist for x-rays. The dentist tells me everything’s intact, and it’s not my crown that hurts because there are no nerves there. It’s just sinus pressure. Take an antihistamine, grin, and bear it.

So when the first pangs surfaced last Wednesday, I remembered this and saved myself a trip to the dentist. A long trip since my dentist is still in St. Louis. He opted not to relocate with us.

Then Thursday night I woke up to searing, constant pain. Perhaps I’d made a misdiagnosis. Maybe this was more than sinus pressure.

The next day was Good Friday. While my husband gathered Reese’s peanut butter eggs at Walmart for Easter baskets, I frantically loaded up on the OTC.

But the OTC couldn’t kick it. My jaw was on fire. Surely a mutant borer was tunneling through my bicuspids. A microscopic mole was burrowing out a den in the swollen, pink flesh of my gums. My crown would soon explode.

By Friday evening, I was self-medicating with leftover Naproxen I’d found in our medicine cabinet. By Saturday morning, I was in urgent care. Why do these things always happen on holiday weekends?

The doctor prescribed an antibiotic and a pain med. I spent the rest of the weekend floating through pain-free episodes of Easter wonderment and excruciating dips between doses. Simply glad to be alive.

The antibiotic was in full force come Monday morning, so the pain had subsided. Made my husband drive me to see a dentist in our new city anyway. Certainly a sane dentist would sedate me immediately and surgically remove the nuclear warhead lodged in my mouth.

“Your crown is intact, and I think we can save it,” said the dentist. “We used to believe there were only three nerves involved in a root canal. Now that we have better technology, we know there are four nerves.”

Or thirty-seven, I thought.

“You need another root canal to get that fourth nerve,” he said.

a strange beast

The dentist’s colleague who does this type of root canal can’t see me until the end of the month for a consult to schedule the procedure.

Are you kidding? Do it now! No, it’s not hurting at this moment, but I don’t ever, ever want to have that pain again.

Pain is a such strange beast. We hate it, yet we need it. It tells us when something is oh-so wrong. Tells us when we need to move, change, or get help. Fight or flee. Steels us inside so we can endure more than we thought possible. And when we’re in pain, we know without a doubt what’s important and what’s not.

Part of me abhors calling pain a gift. Another part of me marvels that it is.

But He was pierced for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on Him,
and by His wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 NIV

This is where the Healing Begins. Tenth Avenue North.

The Squeeze

Saw this sign. Could not resist posting.

please don't squeeze

You are not a hollow core item.

Regardless of how you feel, how you’ve been treated, what you’ve done, or what’s happened to you. You house a soul.

at Panache Chocolatier in KC

Asking life to “respect” you and not “squeeze” too hard is a nice thought. Nice, but ineffective. The squeeze is going to happen.

You may be experiencing the squeeze. In the doctor’s office. At work or home. At the gas pump, like I did yesterday.

Or when you hear three Milli Vanilli songs in two days after not hearing them since 1989 and you become painfully aware of your age.

One day this life is going to squeeze so hard, we will die. Illness, age, accident, crime, tragedy, or injustice will kill us. Harsh reality.

Easter celebrates the reality of Hope. The triumph over the squeeze.

At Easter, we remember Christ died to pay the penalty for our sin. And He came back to life again to pave the way for his people to follow Him in life. Full life. Forever life. Not as hollow cores.

He knows your name. He knows your soul. He offers life. High time to take it.

bunny on the plaza in KC

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NIV

I Know Your Name by Michael W. Smith is a favorite of mine. Love the lyrics. And Michael doesn’t lip-sync. Girl, you know it’s true.

Announcing Spring Break

yellow flower

Hello. So nice of you to stop by. Sorry I missed you.

It’s spring break here in Wichita. I’m unplugging for a few days to spend time with the family.

God willing, I’ll be back on the blog next week. See you then.

Now go. Get out there and live the gift that is your life.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV

Learning to be the Light, a happy song for a happy spring, by Newworldson.

Destination: Perspective

Sometimes what I really need to do is run away. Travel can hold the ticket to a clearer, better perspective.

over Alaska

I may go to a faraway place and detox from the real world. But there are closer, shorter voyages that achieve similar, lifesaving results.

Drive 200 miles to see an old friend. Spend the hours alone in the car. Singing with the radio. Turning it off to discuss things with God. Questioning. Talking it over. Being heard. Listening.

Or take a long lunch to catch up with someone I haven’t seen in a while. Break down the state of the world as we know it. Pick up where we left off as if the time never passed at all.

Or simply bow out of the room for five minutes. Walk around the block. Step back. Breathe. Remember what’s important. Re-engage with peace.

on the beach in Bali

My favorite psychology professor in grad school once told my class a secret. He said he recommended depressed people go to the mountains or the ocean. I imagine the plains, desert, or forest would work as well.

It is in such places they could come face to face with how small they are and how big God is. Surrender to it and find refuge. Then come home able to move—even if ever so slightly—forward.

Perspective is easy to lose, but not so hard to regain either.

Here you thought it was gone forever, but look. There it is a few miles up ahead.

God’s love is meteoric,
His loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
His verdicts oceanic.
Yet in His largeness
nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse,
slips through the cracks. Psalm 36:5-6 The Message

You Lead, I’ll follow, by Jamie Grace.

Meet Traveling with the Jones

The incredible photos in this post are compliments of Janis and Jeff Jones, my traveling friends who see the value in venturing.

Traveling with the Jones

Between the two of them, they’ve traveled to 80 different countries, all 50 states, and 175 cruise ports around the world.

“Travel, for us, is about personal growth,” says Janis. “It gets us out of our routines and our comfort zones; it broadens our horizons and breaks down our misconceptions. Through our travels, we’ve found  people are basically the same despite living under vastly different circumstances and cultures.”

Janis and Jeff share a wealth of travel tips and info. Follow them on their blog Traveling with the Jones, on Facebook, and on Twitter @travelinjones. If you can keep up, that is.

Vikings and Temple Dancers

A good week finds me at the Y two mornings for yoga and two for pilates.

I have four different instructors affectionately nicknamed to protect their identities: the Boomer, the Ballerina, the Brit, and Grace whom you may remember from Namaste.

buffalo as seen on Manchester

The Boomer is my intelligent, sandwich generation yoga instructor. In true Boomer fashion, she delivers a hefty dose of unsolicited, often humorous, expert advice every week.

Tells us how we should put our handbags in our grocery carts when shopping to preserve our shoulders. How we must strengthen our quads so we don’t end up in nursing homes, unable to take care of our own bathroom duties.

It’s a fun class. Really.

One morning, she said, “There are two kinds of people in the world: Vikings and temple dancers.”

We giggled. “Vikings are the people we hear above us in the weight room grunting and dropping dumbbells on the floor,” she said. “They like the taste of adrenaline. They want to lift, sweat, and pump iron.”

“Then there are those of us who are temple dancers,” she said. “We like to bend, stretch, and feel the gentle flood of endorphins.”

“It would be good for the Vikings to dance and the temple dancers to lift weights,” she said. “But we have our preferences. We start with our strengths.”

what a feeling as seen at Sears

My Y-appointed trainer wants me to go to the Body Blitz class. Add the Muscle Pump hour. Do something called CORE in all caps.

Says it will help me “burn” faster. Speed up my metabolism. Thinks yoga is all cardio and no resistance. I’m avoiding her for the time being.

I pine for chiseled arms like Linda Hamilton’s in Terminator, so I may add weights. Vanity, oh vanity. But my metabolism is fast enough already.

And there’s a lot of resistance in yoga and pilates. It’s nuanced. You push against your own body rather than a free weight or machine.

It’s like a dance with yourself. A temple dance of bending, stretching, and wonderful, glorious endorphins.

You did it: You changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I’m about to burst with song;
I can’t keep quiet about You.
God, my God,
I can’t thank you enough. Psalm 30:11-12 The Message

Dancing with Myself by Nouvelle Vague. If you’re used to the Billy Idol version of this song, you’re in for a treat with Nouvelle Vague’s cover. Fantastique!

Disclaimer: In case it isn’t blatantly obvious to you, I’m not an authority in health or fitness. I write of my own experiences and impressions. Nothing here should be construed as health, fitness, or medical advice.

Missing Alex

Was reminded this week of one of the many reasons why need each other and the blessing of friendship.

dillon’s daffodil

Friends speak truth into my life. Truth that may be obvious to everyone except me. Truth that frees me indeed.

Alex was that kind of friend. I remember the first time I saw him in my old neighborhood. A cheerful, elderly gentleman walking his dog Bo.

He reached out. Always had time to speak and to care. Left anyone he met along the way with a kind, “God bless!”

Alex refused to talk politics or religion with me. The fall we met nearly 10 years ago, I was knee-deep in a rigorous study of the Old Testament history of Israel. Alex was Jewish, and I was dying to dish with him. But he wouldn’t have it. Didn’t want anything to risk a rift between neighbors.

Fast forward to the next fall. After years of infertility, my husband and I were thrilled by the birth of our son. Then colic put a quick damper on our joy for the beginning months.

By spring, the colic was over and all was well again. I was out with the baby one day when Alex came by with Bo. He stopped and talked with me in my yard among the daffodils and hyacinths.

I told him about the discouraging experience of dealing with a colicky baby. How my son cried and cried. How there was no way to comfort him. How I felt like a bad mom.

“It’s sad for you after waiting so long for a child,” said Alex, “to lose the first months with him to colic.” His wise eyes soft with empathy.

No one had said that to me until then, at least not in a way I could hear it. No one had tapped into the emotion of the experience and spoken the truth of it. Colic is sad, even devastating. For the baby, yes. But also for the parents. Also for me.

The content and care of his words was powerful. Alex called out what happened. Gave me permission to feel the pain. Freed me to move on.

Other friends—new and old, close and far—have done this throughout the years and even this week in matters big and small. Probably without realizing it.

Out of nowhere comes that lightning bolt sentence. That straight shot of truth.

It was legalism. You were hurt in ministry by legalism.

Look at the color! It’s perfect! I love that cranberry.

I cannot imagine losing my mother at 25 (or ever).

Alex died the April following my son’s first birthday. I still miss him, especially as spring approaches. How could I not miss my friend?

There are “friends” who destroy each other,
but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 NLT

If you do nothing else today, listen to this song. Then go hug a friend. Or send them a link to this post. Click to hear Sara Groves, Every Minute.

The Curse of the Pantyhose

dark sheer

After an epic struggle, guest blogger Kristen Anderson Short has reached a decision. A decision women across this country and around the world face.

Pantyhose. The worst invention ever for women. I only wear them out of necessity in really cold weather.

Recently, I noticed a run in my hose. Had a board meeting that day, so at lunch I ran out to get a new pair of name brands in my size.

Back at the office, I tugged and tugged to pull them on. No matter how hard I pulled, I could not get the blasted things all the way up. Had I grown to five feet six inches, the height of my dreams?

Unfortunately, no. The new pantyhose were too short.

light sheer

My board meeting loomed. I had no choice but to go with it. Women, you know how uncomfortable that is. Men, you can guess.

Made it through the day and met some friends after work. But even two glasses of wine didn’t make the pantyhose feel any better.

I was ready to trash them when I had a change of heart. Why not save them as my emergency backup pair?

A few days later when another pair of hose ran, I reached for the emergency backup pair. Sure, they were too short, but I could fix them.

I stepped on their feet. I pulled and pulled and PULLED, stretching them as far as I could. It was a miracle. They went on and up no problem!

patterned & footless

Then I moved, and they ran faster than Flo Jo in the 1988 Olympics.

I’m not talking about a tiny run. My hose looked like I’d been dragged down the street behind a Harley. Like I’d been out all night partying with the band and forgot to go home before work to change.

With no other pair of hose, no tights, and no clean pants, I made the walk of shame into my office. The minute I got the chance, I hightailed it to the store to buy yet another pair of pantyhose.

(This is the fourth pair in the story in case you’ve lost count.)

Gingerly, I pulled them on. They ran before I made it out of the bathroom.

Once bitten, twice shy, I converted to tights that day and never looked back.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away. Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 6 NIV

Clear the stage for the bad boy hair band that looks remarkably tame by today’s standards. Great White, Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

guest blogger Kristen Anderson Short

The lovely Kristen Anderson Short and I went to high school together.

Kristen works as a housing and foreclosure counselor for a local government agency.

A single mom of two teenagers, she enjoys reading, talking politics, and finding the humor in everyday life—sans hose.

Pho for Joy

Joy at My Universe is Still Coming Together loves the Vietnamese soup pho.

So do I. My husband and I have developed quite an appetite for Vietnamese food during our tour in St. Louis. From Mai Lee to Little Saigon Cafe, I’m convinced there’s an addictive ingredient in the recipes. Crave.

Joy loves her pho so much, she featured it on her blog. Twice.

Wonderfully, wickedly creative idea. So in a huge me-too must-do, I’m posting photos of my pho.

pho good :)
pho gone :(

Here’s to pho, to Joy, and to savoring every drop of life while it lasts.

Show me, LORD, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is. Psalm 39:4 NIV

Blink by Revive hits this home. The video link by DavidsDanceProd inspired this post’s verse.

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Don’t Save the Marshmallows

My mother used to tell me not to save my clothes. Go ahead and wear your best today, she’d say. Guest blogger Karla Foster explains how the same applies to the marshmallows.

jet puffed

Rummaging through my pantry, I came across a bag of marshmallows. I almost returned it to the back corner, but decided to bring it into the light instead.

Expiration June 2009. Oops.

Apparently, one day in 2008 I thought it might be nice to make Rice Krispies Treats. How many times since then had my hand brushed across the marshmallows looking for another ingredient?

I’d think to myself, “I should make something with these.” Then in the same breath, “No, I should save them.”

Not now. No time. Save for later. As I stared at the marshmallows now in our trash, I thought about what was missed because of my excuses.

as seen at Good Works, www.goodworksfurniture4u.com

The marshmallows could have been a quick dessert for a family in need. A greeting to a new neighbor. A snack for a friend’s kids. Or even a sweet reward for lots of us working out at the gym.

Recently, a member of our Sunday school class entered the hospital in a life and death battle. This only gives me more pause to consider that I am not guaranteed a later. There is just today. There is just now to do what God is calling me to do.

Be holy as I am holy. Go and tell all the world. And so much more. There are kind words to share, notes of encouragement to be written, prayers to be lifted.

Why wait? And for goodness sake, don’t save the marshmallows.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it
when it’s in your power to help them.
If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say,
“Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.” Proverbs 3:27-28 NLT

The Winans’ voices are smoother than s’mores. This song is an oldie—even older than Karla’s marshmallows, but such a goodie. Take a listen now to Tomorrow.

guest blogger Karla Foster

Karla Foster and her husband Bill are dear friends of ours.

Besides teaching Bible study and apologetics classes with Bill, whipping folks into shape as an aerobics instructor, and making the occasional pan of Rice Krispies Treats, Karla enjoys a successful career in IT sales.

Oh, and she’s a Tarheel, which never hurts on this blog.