Murder by Muzak

The Bangles

The first incident was in Garden Ridge. There I was, perusing picture frames. Bouncing along to The Bangles. Pushing my cart and singing in the aisle with the Muzak. If you want to find all the cops, they’re hanging out in the donut shop…

Then it hit me: I’m in the target demographic for Garden Ridge.

How did this happen? Just yesterday I was catwalking through the juniors department of Belk with my mom, window shopping those crazy Swatch watches, and jamming to that wild new song Walk Like an Egyptian, circa 1986.

The Best of Sade cover

Next thing I know, I’m 40 years old standing in line at the deli counter. I catch myself humming a familiar diddy as it plays over the grocery store intercom, Sade’s The Sweetest Taboo. I’m sorry, but that is not a supermarket song.

Imagine my shock during another grocery run to hear The Sundays singing in the cereal aisle among the Froot Loops and Frosted Mini-Wheats. The Sundays. Band of choice for the coolest collegians I knew. Here’s Where the Story Ends. I’ll say.

Kurt Cobain

This week a DJ found it necessary to announce Nirvana’s Nevermind was released, gulp, 20 years ago. The day I hear Kurt Cobain’s angry, mournful voice crying out to me across the 50 pound bags of flour and rice at Sam’s Club, I’ll know the end is near.

With the lights out, it’s less dangerous. Here we are now. Entertain us. Poor Kurt. No video link for this one. Rest in peace, man. What a loss.

My youngest cousin inadvertently aided the conspiracy to bury me in the oldies. His response to a Billy Joel song in my post American Beauty was a definitive blech. The Piano Man is ancient. Old as his dad. Old as Moses.

Billy Joel Greatest Hits cover

That’s okay. It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me, even if BJ does look a little Jersey Shore.

Last year St. Louis lost our beloved classical music station, but gained a solid contemporary Christian station in its place. My six-year-old likes listening to JOY FM. So do I. Most of the time.

But when I need a pick-me-up from the past, our Gen X station serves up the likes of REM. Depeche Mode. Sheryl Crow. Salt-n-Pepa. Boyz II Men. Erasure. Big Country. Pearl Jam.

This is an indulgence best enjoyed alone because my child immediately requests I change it back to JOY FM. Somehow he knows mine is the devil’s music. Listen too long, and it’ll kill ya.

“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered—
how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to You;
at best, each of us is but a breath.” Psalm 39:4-5 NLT

The Fugees, The Score cover

You saw it coming.
Killing Me Softly by The Fugees.

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6 Comments

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6 Responses to Murder by Muzak

  1. Libby

    It’s sad, but one reason (among many, many others) I love going to Trader Joe’s is for the awesome music they play. Blondie, The Clash (nothing like shopping for dinner to “Rock the Casbah”), the Go-Go’s, The Cure… The other day they were playing The Ramones’ “Rock n’ Roll High School.” I felt *really* old then.

    I’m bummed my brother’s Friday 80’s Club lost its venue, you would have loved it. If they find a new place to host it, we like, TOTALLY have to go, K?

    • Oh, you mentioned The Clash. And the Go-Go’s! My heart be still.
      Would love to go to the 80’s Club with you. That would be AWESOME. So grody your brother lost his venue. Like, gag me with a spoon…

  2. Lisa

    Wow. When we’re driving, I make Theo listen to “First Wave” on Sirus and teach him to say things like, “Oingo Boingo is the bomb” while we’re listening to Dead Man’s Party. He had me turn it up on the way home. Guess he knows I’m already lost. :-) Great post Aimee. 80’s music was the best.

    • Lisa, Theo’s behavior just goes to confirm my suspicions. I’m the mom who must walk the line, while you’re the FUN auntie with whom he can cut loose.
      Great. Now I feel really, really old. And boring. Looks like it’s time to Pump up the Volume or Pump up the Jam or something…
      Glad you enjoyed the post, Fun Aunt Lisa. I agree 80’s music was the best.

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